Post by Larry

If you have a few minutes to burn and have not checked out the Newschoolers.com forum, and specifically the “Non-Ski-Gabber” section…I highly recommend it.

Here is a gem I came across on there today:

“Subject: HELP!!! I think there are chemickals up my butt….

Okay, a little background.

So we have this upstairs toilet. And for some reason, it gets this weird crackling in the paint, I don’t even know what it is. It looks bad, like the paint is cracked, so we use this really intense toilet bowl cleaner to get it out.

So while I was sleeping this morning, my mom cleaned it with the chemickals. This shit has to sit for an hour to get them out, then you have to flush it before use. Really is some heavy stuff.

Anyway.

I woke up, still half asleep and went to take my morning poo. After the first release, I guess the bay doors were still open, and a lot, and I mean a LOT of water shot up the opening. Natural instinct is to close up, right? yeah.

Then the pain set in.

FIrst my asshole, then my rectum began burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. Feels like a fucking dragon is giving me a rimjob right now, I can’t sit down on it. I’m lying on my side and typing this and IT FUCKING KILLS.

This was an hour or two ago, and the pain keeps getting worse. I had to use my cellphone to see if it was swollen, so I took a picture of me butthoal and it’s really red and irritated.

I tried shooting more water up it with an ear cleaner thing but that didn’t help at all. I’m afraid cause I think I have to shit again soon….

HELP” – The.Man

and some of the responses were equally as classic:

“It sounds like you really need to have someone pee in your butt. That should fix the problem, these chemicals are just like jelly fish stings.”

“just finger your butthole, the chemicals will be out in no time.”

“you can balance out the chemicals by neutralizing it…maybe pour some kind of alcohol down your asshole”